Morning

   I think it's unfortunate that I should wake up in a bad mood, ever. I think there should be a reset button and when I wake in the morning, I should at the very least, feel neutral. I  have had a string of days that I have felt extra tired, and have had extra aggravations. Some are my own doing, some are not.  I can't control the spot stealer at the gym, although I can change how I look at it, I suppose. I left my interior light on in my car once again this week, killing the battery. I don't even know how this is possible, as I was not IN the car in the dark and would not need that light on. You would think the car would beep when  I turn off the ignition if a light is on. It beeps incessantly for everything else. The one thing I'd want a beep for, it's not into. I  hate beeping. I had an unpleasant Facebook event a couple of days ago. Last night, determined to cook the dinner I had planned, frantically cooking at 7:30, I dumped half of my peeled, cubed and marinated eggplant into the hot oven, the oven drawer beneath the oven and the floor. I keep having aggravating dreams.
   Sometimes, I wake up in the morning with a feeling of worry. Wondering what will happen today. A general grumpy, cloudy, feeling. And I think, oh man, you are setting yourself up. Do not step a foot out of this bed until you are happy. That doesn't work. Most of the time I have all of 30 seconds to wake up and get out of bed. I must teach my four year old to call for me in a nicer way. His morning, "MAHMMEHHHhhhhhhhhhh......." is so whiny. I have to get quickly out of bed or else I have to hear it repeatedly.
   I am in bed right now. I got to sleep in today. And woke from dreams about my dead mother being alive and not calling me on my birthday. I have a ton of things to do today and feel a bit overwhelmed and worried. I have a sense that my feelings in the morning call the day to me. I am ordering off a menu and I am choosing events that will fit my mood. This makes me more nervous.
   Writing is making me feel better though.
   The more I focus on that spot stealer at the gym, the more she's gonna drive me crazy. I know it. I guess I'll be shopping for a new spot. I love the gym. I love the classes I take and the child care, the hour I get to move my body and feel strong, follow instructions and not worry about anything else. I love the people there. I love that it is only a four minute drive from my house. I love that we can afford the $25 a month membership, worth every penny. I would not give up the gym for anything. I would give up my spot for my happiness though.
   Shitty dreams are just shitty dreams. My dead mother didn't call me in my dream but when she was alive, she never missed my birthday. She made me the same pink lemonade ice cream cake from scratch every year. She was always, always, happy to see me.
   When my car battery died yet again in one week, my husband, yet again, jumped it for me and let it run in the driveway. When I dumped all that eggplant into the oven and stood there staring at it and said, "I don't even know what to do with that!", my husband said, "I got it." And he cleaned it up. When Facebook slapped me in the face, I had friends that said, it's okay, we love you. And my husband offered me a massage. I knew what he really meant though and I said no thank you, I just wanted to go to sleep.
   The point is, my life has got my back. I am loved. The morning after the Facebook debacle, I went into my son's room to get him up and he held my face in his little hands and kissed me all over for my face while I laughed. Life is predominantly good. I am very lucky. I am very blessed. I try very hard to keep it that way. I wish I could wake up happy every day. But I suppose, I am human and human nature says differently. Especially in America. What a strange world we live in. So much abundance, so much worry. So much safety, so much fear. But, I love my little town. The freshly painted red bridge, the chocolate shop. I love my friends here. I love this amazingly warm Fall weather we're having, the trees leaves changing and falling, the light changing. Halloween coming.
    The window curtain at the head of my bed is a vintage cream and blue grey flowery thing. It has a hole in it that I keep thinking I have to mend, and I will. Right now, through that little hole, I can see some leaves blowing in the breeze, in the sun, on a tree in my yard. Just a tiny window into the the day outside. It looks so beautiful. For this moment, I am glad that hole is there. It's like a little floating, shimmering, morning jewel. Good morning.
   I think I can get up now. Did I mention I got to sleep in? Today is going to be okay.